Whenever I expose my collar bones, which is hard not to since every piece of clothing shows my neck other than coats and jackets. My mom gets mad because she thinks I am getting too skinny. I feel like my collar bones are a bit out there, but I definitely don't think I am skinny. This is an old picture, I think I was 17 or 18?

I miss a lot of things. I miss, coffee dates, laying in my car chatting for endless hours, our alone time, you going to practice, taking pictures, camera hunting, just things we do together. We still do things like that, but everything just cut down, a lot. And I am like missing everything, the amount of time we used to spend together, which was literally almost everyday. It was like our puppy love in the beginning. But now, we're both busy in our own ways. And come to think about it, there really is not enough time in a day. I'm sorry, I love and miss you. Always.

I have a tendency not to smile or smile with teeth. I'm sort of insecure about my teeth. I want braces again. In a matter of hours, I will be having my coffee date soon. I don't know what else to write.

Craigslist finds with boyfriend and purchased! Kodak Instamatic 100, Kodak Instamatic 100, Kodak Instamatic 100, Kodak Instamatic 104, Kodak Instamatic 150, Kodak Instamatic 124, Kodak Instamatic 124, Kodak Instamatic 124, Kodak Instamatic 300, Kodak Instamatic 304, Kodak Instamatic 404, Kodak Instamatic-Made in Germany-255x, Kodak Hawkeye Instamatic R4, Kodak Hawkeye Instamatic R4, Kodak Hawkeye Instamatic, Kodak Hawkeye Instamatic X, Kodak Instamatic X-15, Kodak Instamatic X-25, Kodak Instamatic X-30, Kodak Instamatic X-35, Kodak Instamatic S-10, Kodak Instamatic S-20, Kodak Hawkeye Instamatic II, Kodak Instamatic 44, Kadak Tele Disc, Kodak Disc 6000, and Kodak Pocket Instamatic 20 Camera.

With the Knife in the back

I don't like sharing. Let me elaborate. I don't like sharing my man, in the sense of a relationship. It sounds selfish, I know. But I mean, I don't want there to ever be another girl. I don't understand how there can be relationships where you can be together and also date other people. I don't understand that. I would want to be the only girl on his mind and I would want all of him not just a piece. It's just not fair.

Small rant of the night.

Future

More and more I find myself imagining what if I actually made it into the nursing program. My family has been talking to me and saying that when I become one I will be rich and a doctor will marry me because I am 'pretty' or 'sexy'. I do not know if I should be insulted or flattered. They know I am in a relationship, from what I think and it jut upsets me that they have a subconscious standard for me. Sometimes I wonder if they want me to find someone I actually love or find someone who has money. I can honestly say from what it looks, it's all about makin money. Like money is greater than love. Does money make a person happy? Sure it does, but it's not love. I would rather be with someone I love and be happy rather than picturing my self with wealth and being with someone I don't want to be with. I love the feeling of being with someone and being happy, I just don't enjoy my family influencing and pressuring me to be with someone I don't think I ever want to be with. Things like these make me wonder about my aunties, do they really love their husband? Maybe it's the othe way around considering all the girls are the nurses and all the men are doing somethig else. Well, I don't know. I don't think my mom loves my dad but my dad sticks around for some reason, maybe he does love her but some of his other actions say otherwise. I just hope in the near future, whom ever I decide to be with and if I become a nurse or not and they are successful too We will both be happy.

Why?

Why does shit like this happen to me? Why do I have a tendency to ruin my car(s)whenever I drive. Whether I dent it, scratch it, get a flat tire, or hit a damn guard rail. What the hell is wrong with me? Like really. Why does this shit ever happen to me? Like, I have honestly stopped speeding, I stopped going over 90. Why? It's so sad. I'm already paranoid as is driving. But I can't stop driving, I drive to school, I drive to eat, I drive to visit friends and I drive to see the person I love. I can't stop driving. There is no choice, but I have to drive despite the fact I hate it. I am so paranoid of worse things, like crashing my car and getting hurt as well as hurting someone else.

And I fucking lied. I said I was at my friend (girls) house when it happend as a cover story. And now my dad wants to consult the insurance. What the hell do I do now? What if they asked exactly where?! Fuck my life.