Awkwardly standing.
Immediately when I stepped inside the church to watch choir practice today Joyce confronted me about not taking communion. I thought to myself 'how does she know?' and she said Father Paul told her. It honestly surprised me, I knew Father Paul knew of me and knows what I am apart of rather used to be apart of that he knows me by name. I did not know he knew me by name and that he even cared to mention it because of that fact of my history in this church. He told Joyce that whenever I did attend mass I would just walk up for a blessing and not for the Eucharist. Because, it just did not feel right receiving the body of Christ because my whole mindset was not there. And I would feel like a hypocrite. Well, I already do feel like a hypocrite sitting there. I do things that go against the church. Don't get me wrong, I still believe but I am not at that state of mind right now. I left because I needed to grow as a person on my own and do things that made me happy. Sometimes, I wonder what God is telling me. You really do not know how much I was shocked to even hear that I was a topic of their conversation.

Anyways, it was nice seeing my old friends again. It made me reminiscent of when I was in choir. Oh yeah, so I found out the whole catholic church is changing. I honestly don't know how I feel about that. Apparently we were doing things wrong the entire time. And now that I was listening to the new songs that is going to appear in mass soon, it just does not feel right like it was out of our norm.

Off topic now. Sometimes I wonder if I can even handle it anymore. Dividing time, rearranging priorities. It's driving me insane. I don't know. Let's just see what happens. And I also feel of least importance now.